I looked up to my mom
She was beautiful with high cheek bones and long brown hair
I watched her come out of her room with a new fit and do
Make up on, hair and dress on fleek. I love you,
But You don’t love me
It’s plain to see, by the way you treat me
Like I’m less than a princess
Less than your baby Queen
But It’s okay mom. I understand you did the best you could with what you knew
And for that, I’ve always forgiven you
A child raising a child
Trying to be the most loving mother after being defiled
Not knowing your rights,
You surrendered to a losing fight
You never loved yourself. So how could you possibly love me?
All you know is disrespect and beatings
So that’s the love you’ve been delivering
But it’s okay mom. It’s okay
It’s okay because, I don’t blame you
How could you possibly know how to keep me safe when you married the monster who controlled you and taught you that disfunction was love?
But, it’s okay mom. I forgive you.
I forgive you for loving a man more than your namesake
I forgive you for not protecting me or my sisters
How could you give what you didn’t possess?
I wished upon a star that you would find a way to leave
I always wished you had enough strength keep us all safe,
But wishing on a star has never given me a return on my investment
Through age eighteen I lived in silent stress
But it’s okay mom.
It’s okay that I never experienced security in love
It’s okay because, I looked to men for love
Used and abused because that’s what I learned from you
I gave birth to two girls and I was determined to show them what unconditional love is
I made sure to hug them and tell them that I love them
But You know what mom? Your lack of love is being passed down through generations
Now your grand babies views are being tainted.
Distorted, because I don’t love all of me truly
How could I when I never learned it, never felt it, never possessed it.
It’s okay.
I’ll keep telling myself it’s okay until I believe it because you know what mom?
It’s not okay. It’s not okay that you chose a man over your daughters and self but,
I forgive you anyway